I’m starting to like this “one-new-post-a-day” thing. It helps me at least write something while I try finding my creative writing inspiration all over again. Also, for the small percentage of my followers who don’t know my name, it’s Brandon and thanks for following me :)
You know the person your always thinking of, that one person who seems to spark everything single thing you do. When said person makes you happy…your ideas are more vivid, but when they depress you…everything is dull, boring, and empty. I consider this a Fatal Attraction. Fatal Attractions control our id and our ego, making us that much more aggressive, and in turn also making us more loving.
These people sometimes come as miracles. We fall in love with them because they make our world brighter. It like that scene in 500 Days of Summer when Tom is dancing in the park to “You Make My Dreams Come True”, the Hall and Oates classic(only his relationship turns out to not be the lucky case I’m discussing). Anyway, that’s the positive side. Now the aftermath that occurs to Tom is the Fatal Attraction. She left him damaged, broken. He felt pain that he never felt before and it changed him forever. We can’t avoid attractions like these because we’re blinded by “love”/lust.
In my case, I seem to have the luck of Fatal Attractions. I find people and fall for the not-so-important aspects like appearance, or tiny similarities. That’s the mistake. Then those feeling grow stronger like cancer. The more i feel for the person, the more internal damage I receive. But this isn’t to say that Fatal Attractions are a bad thing. They also help us learn what truly matters to us in a person. We learn to respect personality, not looks. Kindness, not wit. Laughter, not anger. And most of all “love”, not hate.
“Love”, whether it may or may not exist, grows when we learn what works best for us. You can’t learn to ride a bike without practice, nor can you find your “soulmate” without running into the wrong people(Wrong in this sense may not mean that the person is harmful for you, but instead not the perfect person for you). There are many people you can be compatible with in this world, but your goal should to find the best possible option. I always say that you should fall for the little things that you enjoy in a person because that’s what truly matters. Looks and wealth are just illusions used to mislead you in your hunt for Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Even though I may have minimal experience in the field, some people can still learn from this advice. Life is short and difficult, but you yourself need to try and find a way of enjoying it. Finding “love” may be that way. I wish you luck in the pursuit of happiness, because I know you would do re same to me.
-P.S. All those games that Summer played with Tom we’re really fucked up, but in the end they also made him stronger. Don’t let Jedi mind-tricks bring you down, you we’re meant to be The One(even though Neo wasn’t part of Star Wars).
It feels so weird to be home right now. I spent all week anticipating it, and now that I’m here alone in my room…I can’t help but think about so much.
Relationships. Friendships. Family. School. The Future. The Past. The Present.
The funny thing is….lately I’ve been good. Everything is good. No complaints. No regrets.
I’m just so satisfied with life lately, even if not all thing are working out. I’m finally alright.
The more this summer progresses, the more mixed feeling I’m gaining. Its like a part of the person I aim to be is taking over my current self. I’m losing myself….my sanity. I keep pushing myself away from everyone. I don’t want to. I’m becoming a monster. Like Frankenstein, I’m seeking positive attention but it just hard to get when no one can understand these burdens.
I’m hiding how much I care and it bothers me. I care too much about everyone. Everything. My actions. Decisions. Morals. The Future. My Past. The video games i’ll never play. The movies I’ll never finish writing. Relationships. Friendships. Every and all ships. School. Work. Family. The Weather. Music. Writing. Reading. Thinking. Food. Time…Its all too important. Everything matters yet i just avoid it. Its hard knowing things can never work because Never is a strong feeling. Never implies failure. The lack of potential to even remotely pass. Failure is my poison, so knowing this can’t work is killing me. It makes isolate everything i do. I become even more of an Introvert. I hate being like this. Feeling like this. I’m sorry…
My life is full of regrets, and i’m only 18. What happens when I’m 50 (If i make it that far)? What if I fail? What if I’m not growing to be this inspirational success story i aim to be?
The disappointment scares me. I just don’t want to be a failure. I hate being that kid who was raised thinking he could accomplish it all, and then finding out this world is built on falling and getting back up. I was never taught how to get up. If i fall…I’ll fall hard. and the pain won’t let me get up again. Then it’ll all be over. Then I’ll just be another story of demise. Another kid who dreamed of paradise, but instead found limbo. And honestly, what can you achieve in Limbo?
Talking about relationships with my “brother” as we walked around the neighborhood just opened my eyes a little. It made me realize how skewed my perception of it all is. Movies are making me look for all the wrong things in people. I look for cinematic moments instead of what really matters.
One thing that stuck out in his words was when he told me that you’re not supposed to plan things like this. You can’t plan when your going to meet someone, or even when you’re going to be in a relationship. It just happens. All this time i’ve been planning and whenever something seems to coincidental…i over think and anticipate.
That’s my problem. Its not that I’m overly nice or positive at times. It’s that i overlook all situations. I’m not going change myself and become a dick just because it makes me more attractive. I’m going to be me. Me is enough. At least it should be. Fuck the signs. Fuck the cinematic moments. Fuck it all.
I’m living my own Chaos theory and following my own Fuck it lifestyle because as my dad once said “Love is illogical.”
So why should I go for something that makes sense when the whole system doesn’t.
I need to stop watching shows about the future(no, not “futuristic” future, more like “growing up” future). It makes me think.
One of my “brothers” came back today after months of being on leave from the army. We had a conversation about my life plans and knowing what I want to do with my life after college by the end of my sophomore year. I know I want to teach, but sometimes I feel like my dreams are overshadowing my plans. I dream of writing, traveling, acting, but these aren’t stable paying dreams(Well not even teaching is fully stable). It scares me to talk to people about things like this because I live by the day, not months or years. I plan for now, not later. It scares me to think about failing or ending up in a job I’ll hate. Thinking like this even affects my views on relationships. I’m too much like Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother. The show on it’s own is about a hopeless romantic who goes through all these relationships looking for the one. He falls for everyone. But the show isn’t about him dating. It’s about him getting to the one. It’s not about his living by the day, it’s about him getting to the future. I’m literally this character, minus the relationships and age. What if I’m exactly like him when I’m in my 30s? I wouldn’t mind it but the idea of it is still scary.
They say a man has three lucky streaks with relationships in his life. This can come in the form of one night stands or even finding and marrying the right girl.
But how do you know when you’ve gotten to those streaks and how many you have left…?
(P.S. I don’t know how the title fits, I just thought it sounded nice).
No more probation. Finally had an okay academic semester. Now I can stop stressing out so much. But even after all this somewhat hard work…I still feel a little down. I’m around family every day, I saw my best friends today, my favorite holiday is in a day, and I’m relaxing but deep down I still feel depressed. Something about the holidays always does this to me now, mainly because of my parents not being together anymore. But honestly, thats not the only thing. Everyone has someone around these times. So many people Adeline me have someone special. The holidays are about being around the ones that you love but for some reason even around the. I feel alone lately. I don’t know what wrong with me but it needs to change. I’m tired of being stressed out and clinically depressed.
But fuck it. Cheers to the holidays.
“Caring for someone is being able to let them go because you know they’re happy with someone else.”
If this is true then why don’t I feel that way? I know he makes you happy, but he treats you like shit. You know this but you’re too blinded by love to just leave. But I can’t stand the idea of ruining that for you because he really does make you happy. So if letting to is what it takes…I’ll try and move on.
When you’re married and thinking about having babies, you see them everywhere. It’s the same scenario as the babies, except switch babies with relationships and being married with being single.
one of my favorite episodes. powerful stuff
Ridiculously true.
Wow this is scary considering I blogged a straight text version of this moments after I saw the episode. Too much truth to these words…
“Don’t ever think that you’re not good enough for someone, because you are. You honestly, truly are. If they don’t see that, then they’re not worth your time. You’re beautiful and no one has the right to ignore that fact. Some day you’ll find a person who sees that and will accept and praise everything that you are. And if no one does, then fuck them. Fuck them all because I know the greatness that you are in every single way and that should be more than enough to make anyone happy. Any asshole who makes you walk home alone in the rain late at night doesn’t deserve to have you in his arms ever again. You deserve someone much better. I just hope you’ll one day realize your potential and ignore the assholes trying to bring you down because there are men out there waiting to care for you solely based off of your inner beauty. Guys like me, and not the one you’re I’m bed with right now.”
One day I’ll write this for a character and remember how close to home his emotions were in relation to my past self.
